Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind…

hmmm. i never keep up with these things lol. but tonight i just really felt like writing.

i feel like i’m changing. so rapidly.

i feel like a completely different person from just yesterday and it’s such an uncomfortable feeling. I was always the girl who knew who I was, what I wanted, and what I’m doing, but I just don’t know anymore.

I don’t even think I know who I am.

The things I valued just yesterday seem of the smallest significance to me today. i don’t know why this is happening to me, or even how. I guess this is growing up.

It’s a strange, sad and especially lonely feeling.

I feel like the whole world is frozen and i’m evolving so quickly that i can’t even see where i’m going.

i hate feeling alone. I wish i could explain this feeling, but it’s indescribable (in the negative way, of course)

it’s like a sort of blank loneliness. like a shallow emptiness. a “Now what?”

I also feel like people don’t actually care about ME. They only care about what they perceive me to be: the happy, silly girl with lightning bolt energy. But the second I feel like something or someone else, or I go deeper than the surface, it’s like all of a sudden they don’t know me. They don’t wanna deal with me. I understand no one wants to be drained, but I wish there was someone there for me who would get it. Or even better someone who was going through the same thing. So we could evolve and change together and understand that YES, times are difficult, and YES, i’m not who i thought i was, but that they will accept me anyways.